The Bull You Take From Bullies

There are people who think high school was the best time of their lives. It is difficult to know whether to feel sorry for these people or to envy them.

To feel sorry for them is in one way to be glad for them. They never had to deal with bullies, teachers that did not understand and family problems that got in the way of all the fun stuff. However, if they went through that time wearing the proverbial rose colored glasses and everything went their way, how were they prepared for life after high school.

To envy them means to understand that everything did not fall into place and that they had to work very hard to be successful.

Then there is the group that stood on the sidelines--not outstanding students, not very popular and easy prey for the ever-present bully, whose only purpose in life was to massage his ego at the expense of your self-esteem.

I had to deal with bullies most of my academic life up to college. I wore glasses. My teeth were crooked, with the big gap in the middle. I had a speech impairment. For a time I was somewhat naive. I was only an average student--except in history where I excelled,. However, being the history geek does not get you a prom date.

Bullies are an unusual lot. Some are just mean. They take great satisfaction is subjecting you to public ridicule, maybe even inflicting physical harm and certain emotional distress. These bullies tend to either drop out of school, end up in jail, on drugs or in other unfortunate situations. They are the extreme bullies. Sometimes, people in authority will recognize them and take steps to curtail their activities. But other times they become leaders--leaders of less aggressive bullies, but bullies just the same.

Back during my high school days bullying was limited to name calling, having your books shoved out of your hands, getting your gym uniform stolen, or convincing some girl to pretend she likes you, only to shoot you down like a clay pigeon at a most embarrassing time.

There was little to be done. You could not complain to a teacher, because unless they witnessed the offense, there was little they could do. However, making a complaint, would only intensify the bully's desire to make your life even more miserable.

Those of us from the 50s and 60s school days survived. It just took some determination. You had two choices. You could go along with what was being done and laugh at yourself. In later years the bully, after achieving some level of maturity, would say, "Year, we gave whatshisname a hard time, but he didn't mind. He just went along with it."

Believe me, he did mind. He did go along, hoping to keep the teasing and verbal abuse from getting any worse.

Next, there was the fighter. He fought back and was usually the one to be kicked out of school for being unable to control the rage he felt. They were the real victims.

The final group, the one I chose, just kept quite. We avoided these people whenever possible. We did not show emotion. We did not tell anybody. We just endured it. Granted, that attitude did not win a lot of friends, impress many teachers or help you get a date for the homecoming dance--which most of us did not attend.

Later in life, you come across some of these people. Some of them have matured. They treat you better, but they never apologize for the grief they caused you, but that is all right, as long as you survived.

Today, with the advent of cyber bullying, the situation is far worse and it has been made worse because of the Internet.

The Internet is a fantastic tool, but is misused beyond belief. The concept of free speech, does not mean that you can post demeaning and untrue remarks, edit unflattering videos and start vicious rumors in chat rooms. There are some who have tried to criminalize these actions, but unsuccessfully--they do not want to ruin the offender's future because of one mistake--giving little concern to the victim, who may never overcome the humiliation, because as we all know, once something is on the internet, it is out there forever. Even if you stop the blog, pull the video or shutdown the website, someone has made a copy and it will show up later.

Some would say parents have to be more diligent in being aware of what their children are doing on the internet. Parents are ill-equipped to know when they child is uploading something to U-Tube or is creating a fake identity on Facebook where he and other unnamed cowards heap abuse upon the person who is a little different than the norm--through no fault of their own. They do not have to do it at home, they can go to a friend's house, a cybercafe, or do it when no one is around. There is software to keep people from viewing certain sites, but that is usually easy to overcome and does not prevent inflammatory items from showing up.

I am 60 years old. I have been unemployed for about 8 months, after working 22 years on the same job. I am finding that there are people close to my age still making fun of my speech impediment. Apparently, some people never grow up. I recognize that I am different. I accept my limitations. I was a good newspaper reporter and writer for many years--I won my share of awards.I am never going to be a reporter on CNN--I don"t have the voice for it. However, it does concern me that people close to my age take pleasure in mocking others for no apparent reason.

Perhaps we just need a simple type of punishment--when someone is a bully, he has to put a bumper sticker on his car that says--"Don't Mind Me--I Am Just A Bully And Proud Of It." Actually, this would not work, because the bully would still be a bully. We could send them to sensitivity courses, but I doubt it will do little good.

No one can live in a glass box and avoid all of the pitfalls that they will face in life. However, there should be a way at least at the high school level, where the problem seems to be the worse, of identifying these people and developing a punishment or program that has some real consequences. Teachers and administrators have to be more watchful and step in quickly and not wait until the victim has to come forward and of course without any proof, he will be told just try to avoid those people. That is hard to do when it is the teachers and administrators that establish the schedules. When I was in school, teachers would deliberately seat me between two bullies to keep them from misbehaving--those were real enjoyable classes and the bullies were still bullies.